HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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