I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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