Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize