you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
