Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
