I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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