I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
