Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
