Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
