he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
