guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize