The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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