We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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