My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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