I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
