I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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