I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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