i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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