Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
