Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
