Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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