Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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