So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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