she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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