WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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