Welp...herpes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
