Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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