Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
