I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize