last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
