one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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