After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
