I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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