Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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