Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
