i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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