people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Randomize
