In the future we'll all be gay
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
