i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize