Its about making memories worth repressing
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
