There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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