There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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