I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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