Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
