? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
