my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
