how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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