Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
