You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
