Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
