I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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