I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
