she was so not down for the gang bang
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
