There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize