when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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