I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
