my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
