All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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