its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
