i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
