Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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