Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
