She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
