Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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