The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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