does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
