I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
