Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
