he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
