Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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