i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
