with your own penis?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
