I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
