That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
