im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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