have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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