Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
