I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The uberlube is also flammable
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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