yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
