He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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