There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
