Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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