walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
