textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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