ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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