you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
