There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
