I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
