I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
