The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
