Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize