Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
