im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize