Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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