i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
