forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize