yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
