i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
