im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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