Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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