My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
