Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
