Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
