Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
