His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
