Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
