I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
