I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
