i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
