if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
