I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
NoShamevember. You game?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
