Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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