You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
