I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
